Say what?
Ask a kid a question, and you might be surprised by the answer


By Nicky VanValkenburgh

Remember the TV show “Kids Say The Darndest Things?” The show aired on CBS in the late 90’s, with Bill Cosby and Art Linkletter as hosts. The premise of the show was asking children innocent questions, and discovering their answers to be far-fetched, creative, or downright cute.


Sometimes, I play the same game with my kids. If you need a good laugh, here’s a handful of insights from my boys (who are five and eight years old.)


kids say the darnest thingsAbout Date Night: “Hmm, you’re out on the town while I’m stuck at home with a frozen Kid’s Cuisine and a babysitter who puts me to bed early. Why do grown-ups have all the fun?”


My son’s first day at Kindergarten: ’I’d like school a lot better if there was only lunch and recess. The problem with school is that it cuts into my TV time. I’d much rather lay on the couch, with my favorite blanket, and a juice box in one hand and a Pop Tart in the other.”


When asked to wash up before dinner: “I don’t think I’ll ever wash my hands again. It’s a lot of work, and not much fun anyway.”


Why my son changed his mind: “Wow, this new bubblegum hand soap is cool! Can I wash my hands again after dinner?”


When asked if he wanted to be a chef: “It would be nice to own a restaurant and eat there every night, but working in a hot sweaty kitchen just isn’t for me.”

What kind of job would you like to do as an adult? “I’d like to be chemist. It would be fun to work in a lab, mix different chemicals, and develop a wicked laugh. I can’t wait to close my office door and laugh like a mad scientist!”

When told to look both ways before crossing the street: “I don’t like it when you tell me what to do. You need to go back to work, ‘cause you’re getting on my nerves!”

What does Spiderman do? “He catches spiders so that little girls won’t scream and drive him crazy. His ears are sensitive. Just like my ears are when someone scratches the blackboard with their fingernails.”


Why does Spiderman wear a red suit and tights? “To keep the girls away. Girls have cooties, you know. Spiderman’s suit helps him make a quick getaway when goofy girls won’t leave him alone.”


My 8-year-old’s secret plan to create wealth: Going to Grandpa’s house and spray-painting bricks with gold paint. “Yeah, I’m pretty much a millionaire. I’m going to save my gold bricks for an emergency. You never know when my savings could come in handy, especially now with so many new toys coming out!”


The next time your kids say something funny, write it down. If you don’t know where to put it, write it in their baby book. There will come a day when they’ll look back on this and laugh. Someday, when they’re all grown up, they will realize how innocent, naïve and downright silly they were as children.


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kids say the darnest things